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Plagiarism, legal lunacy, or just a case of two useless applications of one duh-obvious idea? MOJO's Mat Snow decides...

With the end of the world as we know it rattling all four sets of hooves, it was reassuring to learn that, even in these uncertain times, where there's a hit, just as surely there's still a writ. Last Thursday Joe Satriani filed court papers in LA claiming that Coldplay's hit "Viva La Vida" used "substantial original portions" of his 2004 instrumental If "I Could Fly." The stunt-guitarist wants a jury trial and is seeking damages and "any and all profits" for the alleged plagiarism. In this day and age, where everybody is just a premium-rate call or text away from having a say, why stop with just 12 angry men? We all want our two cents. Let the court rise...

Exhibit A: the monster mash: Unusually for a set of fingers famous for fizzing down the frets, Joe was slow to punch his lawyer's number. His fans, however, have been on the case since June when not only was the resemblance between his 2004 tune and the Coldplay hit noted in blog posts, but a smart alec mashed the two tunes together (to get them exactly in sync, Coldplay were speeded up to borderline Chipmunks pitch) and uploaded it to YouTube, with upgrades to follow. Good game!

But did Coldplay actually, to use that terrific Swiss Army knife word for disreputable deeds, ‘jack' the Satch's track? Let precedent be our guide...

Grand theft auto?: In 1969, John Lennon paid tribute to one of his all-time heroes, Chuck Berry, by adapting the first line of the future bathroom voyeur's "You Can't Catch Me" for the first line of his own "Come Together" ("Here come old flat-top, he come grooving' up slowly") on The Beatles' Abbey Road, a tip of the titfer from a disciple to his master which acknowledged a groovy classic and enriched the tradition without impoverishing the original by so much as a cent in financial or cultural credit. And how did Chuck's publisher, Morris Levy, respond? By proving copyright law an a** with a suit which forced Lennon to record a whole album of tunes from his catalogue. Fortunately, that album was the wonderful if currently unfashionable Rock 'N' Roll.

But with Satch vs the world's second-favourite U2 soundalikes (after U2), we're not talking one line. We're talking the entire chord progression and basic melody--like the man says, "substantial original portions".

Self-abuse?: Twenty years ago John Fogerty found himself suing his own be-denimed a** for plagiarism when his old Fantasy label boss, Saul Zaentz, submitted that the new Fogerty tune, "The Old Man Down The Road," ripped off an old Fogerty tune, "Run Through The Jungle" by Creedence Clearwater Revival, a Fantasy recording. Armed with his guitar, the Fog took the stand to demonstrate to the jury that while a cloth-eared money-grubber might not be able to distinguish one choogling tune from another, people who actually bought records surely could. Fogerty won (and lost).

Sadly, in the current instance, I could find no proof that "Satch" and the band who seem to have inspired no affectionate nicknames whatsoever among the fans (not even "The Coldies" or "The Play") are one and the same.

The sweet Lord's inspiration?: Tunes--they come out of thin air, don't they? So said George Harrison when accused by the publishers of The Chiffons' "He's So Fine" of copying the gal-group classic for his Krishna-worshipping global smash "My Sweet Lord." No dice, son, said the US federal court. Likewise Rod Stewart's unsuccessful defence of his hit "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy" against a plagiarism suit from Brazilian musician Jorge Ben Jor proving its derivation from his song "Taj Mahal."

When the law establishes the legal similarity of one song to another, the copyright-owner of the second song has little defense against charges of copying from the first, however far removed the artists are in genre and circumstance. So even if you cannot imagine Keith Richards sitting down to enjoy the wistful Sapphic elegance of K.D. Lang, you can't deny the possibility that he might have half-cocked an ear to her 1992 hit "Constant Craving" if his missus had it on the kitchen radio when he popped to the fridge for a fresh blood transfusion. Hence the Stones' forestalled any legal action just before the release of their 1997 single "Anybody Seen My Baby?" by cutting in lang and co-writer Ben Mink to the credits, a simple courtesy and painless payday that moved Kd to declare herself "completely honored and flattered".

The verdict: It doesn't look good for the British Grammy hopefuls. Sure, the idea of Coldplay guitarist Jonny Buckland bending a studious ear to a Satch album and deliberately copping his tune sounds far-fetched. But that's no defense in law. Copying doesn't have to be conscious, still less cold-blooded. Coldplay's best tactic might be to admit that "Viva La Vida"'s chord sequence is embarrassingly bog-standard, and the melody follows it with all the inevitability of the bleeding obvious. In other words, second-rate musical minds might easily and innocently think alike. But if I was on that jury of hard-working joes plucked from honest jobs (if they've still got ‘em) to decide between a self-made all-American trick-bag axeman and a bunch of atheist Brits whose stock in trade is making marriage to your very own Gwyneth Paltrow the recipe for unending and lucrative miserabilism, well... need I say more?

The sentence: Fortunately, the American fondness for litigation is matched by their judicial creativity in apportioning redress. Checked out that mash-up yet? If the Coldplay tune is one of the most half-arsed in a long and dreary list of forgettable worldwide Number 1s, Satch's "If I Could Fly" is no Beck's Bolero either. But jam them together and you have a full and glorious arse of a record to stick in your iPod next to Tom Petty's "Free Fallin'" and Boston's "More Than A Feeling." Make ‘em do it, your honour, with proceeds to the charity of Satch's choice. Justice is blind, but no reason for it to be deaf.

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