Music Blogs

Now that AARP (stands for the Association for Associated Retired People) has already used the Buzzcocks' "Everybody's Happy Nowadays" for their commercials, it's time to think about more appropriate material.

Songs that convey the real truth of the situation.

Songs that drive home the point that this is about retirement, people. This is about giving up hope. This is about admitting to yourself and to others that you are old and that you have only one final chapter worth accomplishing and that is the final act. It's not about being happy. It's about living on food stamps and cat food. It's about yelling "Help, I'm fallen and I can't get up" and meaning it! It's about wondering why the grandkids don't come visit.

It's about wondering what your name is. It's wondering if sitting in your own urine is a natural occurrence or something worth looking into. It's about being institutionalized against your will. Finally, it's about progress. Out with the old and in with the new. The Times They Are a-Changin' folks! Get used to it.

Here are five songs the AARP should use in their ad campaigns:

Jethro Tull - "Too Old To Rock 'N' Roll, Too Young To Die"
There's this one commercial that aired awhile ago for a financial institution aimed at retirees and it's some gray-haired 60 year old dude in his garage "rocking out" in his flannel. To which you want to scream, Jimi Hendrix was a musician. You, sir, own a guitar.

Tom Waits - "Dirt In The Ground"
"We're all gonna be just dirt in the ground" sings Tom Waits and he sounds happy about it. And he probably is. Do you think Tom has a 'mud room' at his house for people to wipe their shoes? That would be disappointing to learn, wouldn't it?

Townes Van Zandt - "Waitin' 'Round To Die"
Townes always was a cheery guy. And, man, if standing in line at government offices trying to get your paperwork straightened out doesn't feel like slow, cruel torture, then you must be one of those people who remembers to bring a book. Smartasses bring Kafka, naturally.

Neil Young - "A Man Needs A Maid"
Well, this has been proven. The only thing worse than a young man's bachelor pad is an old man's bachelor pad. The smell of Ben-Gay. The unused nasal hair trimmer. The jars of medicated wipes. The old dirty dishes. The undone laundry. The pizza boxes. What is man trying to accomplish? Apparently, nothing.

Blind Lemon Jefferson - "See That My Grave Is Kept Clean"
I've always liked this sentiment. As if a man who has never cleaned up after himself expects others to keep his gravesite tidy. Uh huh. And while you're at it, make sure all that money I owe all those "friends" gets repaid, too. I was really concerned about that. Wouldn't want to die with a low FICO score, now would I?